Otley becomes ‘gay mecca’

Otley is fast becoming a mecca for the gays, according to Rev. Quentin Brownspot, after a second one moved in last Thursday. ‘It’s getting as bad as Brighton, or Hull’ he raged. ‘There’ll be hairdressers on every corner before you know where we are, and they’ll be asking if Liza Minelli can come and play at the church hall’.

 

The town’s first fairy, Trevor Pinkerton, settled in Gay Lane some 12 years ago, shortly after the Anti-Homesexual Laws were repealed. He has since come to think of Otley as his home and has made many friends.

 

“I’ve been embraced by the community wholeheartedly,’ he said in his trademark gruff voice. ‘I’m often the first port of call by people wanting to know what colour to paint their houses, or can’t remember a particular line from the Wizard of Oz. I love it here. The only downside is that I haven’t had a shag since 1994, although that may all change now’.

 

Not everyone is against the influx. ‘I can't get enough of them,’ commented local farmer Jebadiah Proops. ‘The more of them the better in my book, as it means more women and sheep for the rest of us’.

 

Otley isn’t the only West Yorkshire town to attract large numbers of homosexualists. Hedben Bridge is well known for its lady gay population, where apparently 98% of people who live there are either fond of tipping the velvet or are committed vegans, giving a major boost to the burgeoning Doc Martin and dungaree economy.

 

The history of gayness is surrounded in controversy. Most scholars believe the trend was started by the actor John Inman, who played Mr Humphries in the sitcom Are You Being Served? However others contest Mr Inman was just pretending, and the actual creator of the tendency was Conservative MP Michael Portillo.